Thursday, September 3, 2009

Font Sizes.

Why won't this site allow me to have one font size and font for all my paragraphs. Look at that previous post.

Piece of shit.

Here it is Colm; the funniest thing you'll ever say and no one's around to hear it....

This comment was made in reference to someone loggin into my account to comment on their own page, in my name, saying they were very attractive. Or something to that affect.



"Hey Kevin, remember that time you totally lacked any verification, recognition, credibility and confidence, so much so you logged into my account to give other people that read your page the impression that some preson, in some way had something positive to say about you.

Yeah that, that was pretty funny."


Looks like I was barking up the wrong Bush....

Monday, August 3, 2009

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

My 4D Experience

I was not there.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

We're Selling A Tent...

Ebay Auction

Please help us make some desperetly needed money..

-T

Monday, June 15, 2009

MY 4D Experience...

It was Shit...

-T

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

My 4D Experience

The scene was set. The Building works had finished, the refurbished building standing tall, proud. Poetic in its own right, free from its shackles of scaffolding. The words "4D Cinema!" emblazoned across its chest....

It was in fact Irelands only 18 seater 4D cinema. 4D, is the combination of 3D and what is advertised as moving seats. Still enthusiastic, I, we, entered and paid our due, received our 3D glasses and entered the screening room.

There was most definitely 18 seats; big tall yellow ones, two crescent formations of nine. We buckled up. Literally, there were car seat belts on the seats. We were told to hang onto the bars on the sides of our seats for a better ride experience.

Its at this point things go from unknown expectations to shit. The screening started, but the lights never went out, so I was constantly seeing the seats in front of me. Apart from the distraction, this ruined the illusion that I was actually in any way moving, as I could see the seats in front of me motionless. I have had more need for a seat belt in a reclining office chair. The cunning ploy of only tilting the chairs backwards, in order for them resuming their normal positions to equate to forward motion did not humour me at all... A baby kicking the back of your chair on a flight would cause more motion and excitement, and oddly less annoyance.

The glasses were terrible, the fact they fell off constantly didn't seem to matter as they didn't work in the slightest and didn't even fully cover my eyes. The unenthusiastic murmurings of fellow riders became quite distracting, but as they grew into conversations, they became more interesting than the "ride" itself. In fact I began chatting myself, but not to myself.

It was after a minute I realised I was still holding onto the side bars; after letting go, the ride did not dramatically decrease in quality. Liars. Its also worth noting, puffs of are were sprayed into your face, as if to imply speed... it was just cold.

The ride lasted less than three minutes, and cost five euro. And was shit. But the sheer hilarity of sitting in a room with vibrating chairs, music blaring, blurry images in your face, trying to talk to someone made it all worth it, at least for the story to tell...

How tacky the writing on that building is now....

PS
We were meant to be in a race hover car thing in a futuristic hover race, with huge jumps and such. I presume we won.

The Yahoo Chronicles

Gay
Spiders

Monday, May 18, 2009

Now's the Right Time for a Good Song

There's no other way to say it: The summer holidays are almost upon us. For some, it means nothing. Just three months of endless work during days of untold beauty, when the sun shines on all living creatures, or at least those not in a cramped, grey office.

Yes, truly, the summer is hell for people who aren't me.

This sumer I plan to do some light work, mixed with going to some gigs and who knows, maybe persue a project or two!

Aaaaaaaaand I've nothing left. Good bye.

Friday, February 27, 2009

You walked right into that one...


The Samsung Blue Earth Phone, I want one.

Its solar powered. But it begs the question, how charged can it get, if its always in my pocket. So that could lead to potential unreliability and uncomfortable calling positions (like the one I was in with your mam! OUCH!) and you'll probably have to take into the account whatever completely unreasonable price they'll charge you for it... But, It'll all be worth while when it tells you how many trees you've saved.

I'll leave you with this question.... "Are there intercom systems and bells in schools for the deaf?"

Adieu,
IRSocrates.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Meh...

I was gonna write a post abuot procrastinating.... But I'll do it later.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

What the....OW!

I made the tea. For those, everyone, who doesn't know I love for and off tea. I crave it. The day was spent waiting for that first brown drop... So I made it. I then sat down. Got comfortable and was about to sip, the first sip(which is later relevant) when I felt a hair in my mouth. That's just terrible, and it was getting worse and worse and I couldn't get it out and it was even sliding down my throat. Horrible.... BUT THEN! My dog jumped onto the couch, knocked my elbow and knocked the, evidently as scalding as it was unsipped, tea onto my chest. It really hurt. AND I had to arse myself to change. Jesus. what a day. But I'm beginning to become disappointed that that is the most eventful thing that has happened to me in the past while.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

. . .and from the depths, HE ROOOSE!

*There are many rooms. Some rooms within rooms, and those rooms within yet more rooms. Some rooms exist as a singularity. Others band together and keep a window alight in the Great Alone, so travellers of the rooms may see it, come and rest, and be enlightened.
This room lies between other rooms.

Within it. . .
Darkness. A vast open space. Slowly, candles light in the gloom. They serve only to make shadows deeper. Motes of dust hang in the air, sheets of which cover the floor. Here and there are vague shapes buried in the drifts, but it is a vain attempt to determine what they are. Or even what they once were. . . An intercom crackles to life somewhere in the quietly drifting haze. Music plays. It is a soft ballad, calm and up-beat. Perhaps there is some life in this place of places. This hall of halls. This realm, simply abbreviated: S.F.F., on a rusted iron plaque, bolted to the only door. . . the music stops. And then, there was a voice. . .*

Hello. It has been quite some time since I was up here, so peoples, I apologise.
Lookit me talk as people read this! Just haven't been inspired til now!

Yesterday, whilst being busy in my room, the cat walks in. I know! Crazy right? But anyway, I notice she's got a strange greeny-yellow ring around her only patch of orange fur (on her white body), so I'm thinkin' "Holy shit, whats up with that?". Next morning I mention this to my mother who simply says: "Hmm yes, that is strange. It was probably your brother." So I'm thinking "What kind of conclusion is that to come to?! How could anyone just jump straight to the conclusion that my twelve-year-old, not-entirely-a-dumb-ass brother would actually draw with a highlighter on our beloved cat, or on any animal?!? Where the fuck is the sense?!?"
I asked him that morning.
"Listen, I know this is going to sound absurd, but did you actually draw on our cat?"

"Oh. Yyeah. That was me."







I can see you're as speechless as I was. I just didn't know what to say.

Back to more important matters: I have had this old-ass Russian camera (it actually says "Made in U.S.S.R. on it) and for a while I thought it useless as it was worthless and old. Then I realised "Hey! I have an old-ass camera! Thats the only damn thing I will ever take pictures with from now on! Thats awesome!" So yeah, I'm gonna go out and buy some film. And a scanner.


I'm gonna try and hang around some more. I know there was a lot of quotation marks in this post, and for this, I apologise. If you were annoyed by that, hey, go make a sammich, see if I care.

Make post end now.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Fuck The Po-Lice!

Damn, for a second there I genuinely thought it was new years. Weird. Also, it occurs to me that we are writing and writing on this thing, in the hopes that someone, some godsend who thinks we're funny, will come along and enjoy us. But by then we'll be on somehting like our 100th post or something more and there'll be all this crap to sift through if they ever want to become true fans, so some people may never get the full story of anything!
Now, I know at this point, right now, we have one follower and he's either some kind of spam device or a crazy person, because, frankly, I'm a little weirded out.

Basically, what I'm getting at is, we can say whatever the burnin' heck we want and by the time anyones' on to us, we'll be in Mexico by then! Suckas! Fuck the po-lice!

I going to talk about YouTube. What the fuck. Is with the idiots who comment on YouTube. And, by sheer, hilarious chance, I have an excellent example of such stupidity! Bear in mind, this kind of idiocy and others like it, is abundant all over YouTube, so don't think I'm picking out one particular incident.
Some people may find the following exchange graphic and stupid:

MaXG65 (2 months ago) Show Hide

Marked as spam
LOL... I'm a programmer punk!

Obviously the university ain't help'n your intelligence much eh moron!

What the hell does McCain for president have to do with this video? cheese dick!

You are about as educated as a fucking monkey!

cingular656 (1 month ago) Show Hide

Marked as spam
programmer? OH! ok... so you also are in love with baby lotion and your right hand...Right?

you probably still live in your basement with your mom (oh wait! never mind, shes right here in my bed! my bad)

MaXG65 (1 month ago) Show Hide

Marked as spam
Oh please! Is that the best you can do?

What a useful intellectual you are!

cingular656 (1 month ago) Show Hide

Marked as spam
At least I'm not a pathetic fagget like you! you like to take dick in your butthole till you bleed!!!

MaXG65 (1 month ago) Show Hide

Marked as spam
Faggot? LOL...

The only fags on here are people like you that believe this video or that the moon landing was a hoax!

LMAO!

Gollynog (5 days ago) Show Hide

Marked as spam
Has you uncle visited you at night again seems that he gace you fond memories about rockets up your ass you gink



First off, you can't have an effective argument such as this over the internet. It's just retarded. And this shit goes on for a page or so. Arguing over the net on YouTube is pointless because, if you are engaging in an argument, and you are like me, you will be up against a loudmouth, anonymity-assured kid/dickhead/both. So you can never win, they'll repeat the same moronic obscene joke about your mother over and over again, and they will not be moved.
And using capital LOLs or LMAO as an attempt at sarcasm or some manner of insulting you, it's all so fucking retarded! Can't these fuckers understand that what they say or do on the site will only make people hate them? But worse again, you get people saying "Aw, ur a fukin dick" to them, and no-one needs that, you're just spurring them on to be more and more annoying. Then theres people who be all sincere about it, trying to make the stupid guy feel belittled by sheer force of holier-than-thou-ness, but that won't work cos' they're idiots and just won't pick up on/care about what you say. So theres no point in arguing. The best thing you can do is keep an open mind whenever commenting on something.

I know this wasn't put together too well, and there is much stupidity that I didn't point out, but fuck it, it's late, I'm tired, and angry.

Sleep well!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Pics From The Phone Chapter II

Welcome to a this time, food orientated picture presentation. Firstly....


This is a little thing I (wittily) like to call a "PopTart with Fluff Spread on it" And that's what it is... Its Chocolate Pop Tart and Fluff. Fluff is, spreadable marshmallow condiment(?) But, its very hard to get in Ireland, and possibly in the States. I just don't know. Its a big novelty to me in any case. Their website also has some catchy retro jingles and its founding is quite the story. Its effectively sugar; and when spread onto pure fat it just delicious.


If you can read what it says on the box, its not a big deal, most people can read.... But you'll be able to tell that it is a box of Lucky Charms. These were the sugary, cavity inducing taste of my childhood. Until the MAN! that is Kellogs stopped selling them this side of the water. Presumably because they were racist, or because of the droves of hyper, obese and toothless children roaming the streets. But I'd remembered them for years, and then I found that this really expensive supermarket in Dublin sold them, that's Fallon and Byrne on Wicklow Street. I paid €9 for one box. 9! I consider it worth it. It brought back the days.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Pics from The Phone Volume I

Screw consistent titling. Phones can be whimsical. In any case.....


This! This Gem of a photo, was taken outiside Urban Outfiiters in Temple Bar... I mean, LOOK AT IT! Its says kittens on it. And now its gone, all torn away. Like, who tears that away, its so great. But now its gone, and I have a picture on it. Which has been copyrighted.





While walking through Dublin, I saw this on a lamp-post. Its a ragged flyer of one of my favourite bands, but a flyer none-the-less. Its pretty good, because, they are little known here and they've only been here once. But they were supporting Elliot Minor. So I didn't go.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Weiners, Ribs And Chicken, Oh My!

Well, the day first day kicked off without any hitches. I caught up with people, we laughed, life was good. By lunch, however, things had started to deteriorate on a large scale; we passed the time standing around listening with half an ear to me, commenting on my vaguely delicious sandwich. A little less dressing the next time I think, and I need to go out and buy some ham. Lettuce and cheese just isn't the same without it. *sigh*

It's been a while since I posted, so I should probably fill you in on the past few days;

Nothing happened.

However, I got Prince Of Persia for my PS3, but more importantly, Little Big Planet! It's super awesome, you can do. . .things and make. . .things and have some great great fun! And damn, I had a plate of some of the most delicious cold pub food items I will ever eat. It was the usual fare to go with chat and alcohol: Teeny cocktail sausages (which I personally would die for), chicken pieces and ribs. Mm-mmm. It's so wrong for it's coldness, it's stolen-ness but damn, it was gorgeous. The ribs were sweet 'n' sour sauced.

*insert off but witty sign-off comment here*

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The Deep Breath Before The Plunge

Damn, I've so much to catch up on, look at these guys with their numerous post. Theres so much been happening over the past few days, I'm not sure I can fit it all in one post, ah hahaha!

Yesterday, in the hopes of scrounging some fun before the end of the holidays, I set out with some friends (including co-author and fellow tiger-hunter, Colm) to eat chocolate and have the best time ever!
We made cups from Roses wrappers. I had a collection, then it got blown over.

This post is titled thusly as a result of the return to the grind that is school. May the force be with us as we once again enter the shaken and battered walls of the structure, which are constantly suffering the barrage of stressed-out, peer-pressured, confused, hormone-injected teenagers, using each other as an emotional crutch as they bear the load of self-questioning and self-awareness, together in their journeys, without knowing quite what is going on behind their eyes, whose only hope is to come out of it alive and laughing.

And thats about it.

See you on the sunny side!

Monday, January 5, 2009

The Unbearable Whimsy of Colm Episode III: Things of Non-Consequence I must Achieve:

I with all my might and endeavour will strive to consider trying to attempt the following:
  • Get a Sandwhich named after me
  • Take Place in a Police Line Up
  • Become an Extra in a film
  • Invent my own Cocktail
  • Have a Succesful Online Blog - Check - .....Uncheck.
  • Win. Something. Anything. I must Win
  • Fight a Mountain Bear - Check
  • Patten Something.... even if its just an existing product with a clock.
  • Buy a Cool Unique URL.
  • Start a Slow Clap.
  • Say Something that Silences a Room
  • Get Business Cards
  • Shave an Animal
  • Build a Tree House... that works.
  • To be able to say "The Usual" in a Restaurant" and get what I want.

More to come.

The Unbearable Whimsy of Colm Chapter II: The Boring Sponge

The Boring Sponge. Is it an animal? A fish? A Fungus? I don't know. I found out about this...thing(?) in an aquarium on my recent holiday in France.

Places such as aquariums i.e Zoos, Safari Parks, Theme Parks, use attractions or exhibits to get people to visit their Zoo, Aquarium...etc. but how something called the "Boring Sponge" can be an attraction is beyond me. I know this is petty, and that there were a lot more interesting fish there... But I stood beside a huge tank of water, looking at something called the Boring Sponge. It was a Sponge, and I was bored. Money was exchanged in order for me to view a Boring Sponge.

Maybe if it wasn't called the Boring Sponge, I wouldn't be so puzzled, but the Aquarium had the audacity to make me pay to look at this. I don't think it even moves, or eats. Its sole purpose is To Be. So, you could argue that it was at least attractive to look at, like how some people might like looking at flowers. But It looked like something I might stand in....

Anyway, I moved on and discovered the horrors of the "Horseshoe Crab". Freaky. Anyway Rant over. Its just what a pointless exhibit, and animal.... what function does it serve other than to fill gaps in Aquariums, and annoy people like me to the point they waste a few minutes writing about it.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

The Unbearable Whimsy of Colm Volume I: The Beginning

The beginnings of this blog, the birth of a phenomenon and the tale
of its coming about, is a long, arduous, and at times, a long story. So; I'll summarise. For me, the journey began with a simple text message from my dear friend. It read "Today my friends; We become men. We will voyage into the unknown (to us) adventure of blogging. I agreed to it.

Before long the petty arguments over the name, email address titles, and passwords broke out. The first, albeit lowest, hurdle was eventually crossed: dhm@live.ie TA-DA! Somewhat naively,it was proclaimed: "Right. We're in business". It was then that the astonishingly blank screen in front of us became apparent; so we did what any decent men would do: Left it until tomorrow. Well first there was much seizing of the keyboard on my part, and the joint dictating of a basic first post. In any case. That was the Blog.

Oh Yeah. We decided on Dangerously Handsome Men. Figured it was true to life.

Friday, January 2, 2009

First Post.

This a brand new Webzine/Blog set up by three guys, ultimately its' aim is to entertain through inconsequential, light-hearted, post-orientated humour. We hope you enjoy it. . . . .

DHM